Goals

So, I have decided to start blogging again, since I only wrote one blog and then procrastinated on writing more. I love writing, and need some outlets for my thoughts and emotions. I am going to begin this blog by listing the goals I have for myself, and all of my blog followers can touch base with me to make sure that I am staying on track.

Goals:
- to do yoga in the mornings while the kids are asleep
- to do my hobbies on a regular basis (reading, artwork, theater, etc.)
- to manage my finances more efficiently
- to be happy in the moment
- to be positive
- to take my vitamins
- to blog on a regular basis
- to go to church and work on my spiritual side
- to handle my stress
- to improve my social life
- to contact family more often and maintain close relationships
- to be more loving

It is hard being a mom of two while balancing everything else in the world (including myself)! I have realized, however, that am doing it all wrong. I am focusing so much time and energy on spending quality time with my family that I am forgetting myself. I am not relishing in who I am, and taking time to work on myself and do the things that I love doing. I have made all of my hobbies "stressful" in my mind, turning my art into a chore because I am so negative about my abilities and too lazy to start anything. I want so much to have a perfect, productive (yet fun) day, that I don't end up having one. I want too much out of one moment. I fail to be truly happy this way. What I have realized more than anything lately is that if I am not fulfilled inside, then I am not fully able to give to others. I need these goals not only for myself, but for others as well. If the world ended tomorrow what would I regret? Many things.

I want to bask in the sun of life and shrug off its showers.

Chiaroscuro kit

This blog is being written even though I have no idea what I want to write about! You see, this is the problem; I never write blogs because I don't have topics, but my problem is that sometimes I am just too hard on myself on what would make a good topic. I always want things to be planned out from the start, rather than just going with it.
Right now I am sitting at the library with freezing cold hands because I swear they have the air conditioning on even though it is the middle of winter. There have been a whopping five library patrons so far, and we have only been here an hour and a half. Saturdays are so quiet! I am getting very hungry.
My classes start February 1st! I am really nervous. I have never taken online classes, and since this is an MFA in art, it is going to be pretty intense. I really should start some projects in the meantime so that I can get some practice in before the start of the semester. One of my classes is Chiaroscuro, which is the study of light and dark upon objects. In this class, I will be using various figure models in a kit as objects to draw under various lighting conditions. This will teach me to view objects in a 3 Dimensional fashion and produce a higher depth of shading in my drawings.
Well, all of this is good in theory, and surely will be good in practice, but I spent a whopping $440 (whopping is my word of the day, apparently) on a Chiaroscuro kit, which consists of several white clay-like castings that look similar to Greek statues. The kit contains a sphere, a cone, and a cube. It also contains two female heads, a female torso (complete with a butt, but chopped off legs), chopped off arms, and a set of breasts (all features included). At least this is the only nude drawing I will have to do in my program, and my model is a statue, but come on now! Why did I have to spend over $400 for this? And what exactly am I going to do with it once this class is over? The torso is about a foot long, so it is quite sizable. Let's see, let's think of all of the uses; 1. I could place the torso on my vanity and drape various necklaces over it in a "department style" fashion, 2. I could display the torso and heads in my living room or garden as "Greek art", 3. I could store the body parts in the closet in the odd chance that I may need to re-use them in future semesters, 4. I could display the torso in the window (like the Christmas Story lamp) and see how many cars stop to check it out, or 5. I could sell the objects on e-bay, and hope that a pervert doesn't decide to be the highest bidder. Decisions, decisions. Boy, is all of this amusing!
I am looking forward to my classes, and laughing about things like things eases some of the pressures I am putting on myself. I tend to be way too hard on myself. I think I would be better at my artwork if I didn't try so hard to make things perfect all the time, which brings me back to what I was saying earlier about my inability to write fluently. However, I see that I have not had a hard time writing this blog, and I did in fact find a topic. This goes to show that when you just relax and trust your creative abilities you never know where the road may take you. For example, I had no idea when I woke up this morning that I would be blogging about this! lol.

She tapped her fingers on the counter and watched the clock tick, tick, tick as the hands steadily progressed towards another hour. 11:00. How long had she been there already? Only two and a half hours. How was that possible? She must stop looking at the clock, she realized, but it was so hard. It seemed to be ticking her life away. Tick, tick, tick. She heard the sound in her mind as she stared down at her silver watch upon her frail wrist. Only one more hour until her boss arrived and relieved her for lunch. Where should she eat today? She was tired of the same old choices. It didn't help that she was a vegetarian and live in a town full of fast-food joints and restaurant chains focused on American staples like chicken parmesan, sirloin steak, and cream of potato soup with bacon bits as an added "bonus."

She tapped her fingernails on the counter again and looked around. The store was empty except for her. Perhaps she should get some work done, but what was there to do? She had already re-stocked the shelves with perfume, lotions, and soaps, and taken the wooden paddle to perfectly align each row of cleverly organized items. The corporate floor plan had shown exactly where to put everything and how many items to put in each row, and she was fairly positive that she had followed orders correctly. The air seemed to steam from the humidity of the mall heating system and she felt overheated from a heavy red apron that she wore over a long-sleeved white button-up shirt which felt stiff against her body. Already her nose was becomming immune to the plethora of fragrances omitted from the open candles and tester bottles, and even in small doses from the sealed containers upon the shelves. Every hour she had been instructed to spray a fragrance in front of the store to draw in customers, but by a few hours into each day her nose was so clogged up she was never sure how much scent was already in the air.

Within each two hour time frame she was supposed to sell several thousand dollars work of stuff, but how was she do to that when only two people had entered the store in the past 2 1/2 hours? She had not made her first 2 hour quota, so now she was on to the next one, and better think of a good explanation on why the morning had not "run smoothly." What BS answer should she give this time? Honestly, you can't make people buy things, and you can't do anything when you barely have any customers. She knew these to be facts in her mind, but her boss was never convinced that they were good explanations for lack of sales.

Her eyes were glazed over, and her legs felt weak already from too much standing, and so she leaned against the counter. Morning shoppers strolled by the store, arms full of bags, on their way to someplace else, and she longed to join them. Her life had become that store, for better for worse.